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Monday, July 16, 2012

The Beginning

As the clock struck 5 am the alarm went on. The shrieking voice of alarm forced her to get up from her bed. With heavy eyes she cursed herself and made her way to the washroom to freshen up. She could feel her heavy head and aching body’s growing pain but she forced herself to walk to the washroom. She checked the clock it was 5:25 am way too early for the time she decided for herself the night before but she wanted to look good today so she started right away. She scanned almost all her kurtas but at last she choose the black kurta with red and green border on sleeves and a V neck… she decided to wear it with her favourite peacock  green churidar.  She wore this for all the important days in her life in the past one and half year and today was nothing different. “The body ache was all because of her nervousness.” She consoled herself.
She took a quick bath, put on her kajal, wore the chosen dress and her kholapuri sandals. The clock stuck 6:30 am now she was good to go. For a second she could not help but adorn herself. She knows that she is not conventionally beautiful but she had a charming face; a charm that stands out for its innocent appeal. Being a big fan of ethnic products she always managed to stand out in the crowd. It was 6:45 am now… she quickly grabbed her bag and rushed out of her room.
As she moved forward she could feel her legs getting heavier but she forced herself to move fast. Today her body and brain refused to coordinate. She reached the stop much before time and she was relieved. She took out her phone and saw her face on the screen, a final touch up was needed for her charming face. She then waited and waited like she was waiting for eternity. She was nervous and excited at the same time. This was the big day for her. She waited long for this day and this journey to start. Her wandering thoughts were bought back to reality by a husky voice calling out her name … she turned back to see Ronit. She greeted him and vice versa. They stood in silence for some time and after few minutes he wished her luck.
She checked her watch…she still had 20 minutes to board the bus. To pass the minutes and seconds until the bus arrives she decided to pay attention to Ronit’s looks. He was wearing a black shirt with beige coloured trousers. Ronit is one of the reasons why she is here. Ronit with his chiselled looks and warming humour sense sweeped her off her feet the day she saw him and here  she is about to share the seat with him… be with him for 8 hours a day and listen to his husky voice over and over again. Her face was screaming out her happiness but she kept her excitement low. The bus arrived she boarded the bus. She sat next to Ronit. They started talking. He told her about his family, his hobbies and interest and asked the same to her; she reciprocated. She could feel the adrenaline rush every time their arms rub against each other every time the bus hits a bumper on the uneven roads of Hyderabad. Neither of them bothered to move their arms apart. It was a long journey but she was enjoying every bit of it. As the bus moved towards its destination they got deeply engrossed in their small talks. Ronit complemented her for her beautiful eyes and her dimples; she blushed. Finally they reached their destination.
 As the guard was verifying the IDs with the No. Of people present in the bus, she spotted the big bold letter flashing the name of her destination in maroon and navy blue coloured stones. She felt good after seeing this place. Ronit walked with her to the final destination. She saw 6 guys and 4 girls wearing smart formals, high heels and pencil skirts. She felt out of place because she knew she is one of them yet she looks nothing like them. She gathered her courage and with a confident smile that came with endless practise she headed towards the group, she looked back to see Ronit standing there smiling. She smiled back and moved ahead.
After the initial introduction within the group she felt comfortable. She was talking to the people in the group yet her eyes were searching for Ronit. They didn’t find him. After 20 minutes a beautiful lady in a maroon coloured cotton sari with black borders and with a smiling face asked them to follow her to the conference room. The group members obeyed. After entering the room they started to scan the conference room which was large enough to accommodate 100 people at a time. Comfortable chairs with coffee holders, an empodium in the centre and few chairs close to it facing the crowd and a projector and the white board on the wall behind the empodium facing the projector. The lady in sari asked the group members to take their seats. They all grabbed their seats in the middle row. As soon as they were seated 4 guys and 3 girls in smart looking formals took their seats in the front row. She identified one face among those guys and it was Ronit. They exchanged a quick smile. They were the departmental heads and the regional heads.
At first Ronit Menon Process Head of south Indian region addressed the crowd. He gave a brief intro about himself and how he climbed up the ladder of success with ease and reached heights at the young age of 31. Once he was done the other regional and department heads addressed the crowd and then the new joiners were asked to introduce themselves. Ronit invited her first.
From the first time he saw her in her campus he liked her. He had been too many campuses and interviewed many people but she had something in her that made him think of her ever since he saw her.He dint make any recommendations to his colleagues who were also the panel member for the interview process but he was elated to know that she was selected. He dint know that she would finally be reporting to Ronit but here destiny was being very generous with him and he sure dint have any complains about it. He waited long to finally meet her and today he was beyond happy as he saw her after 2 months since the interview. He dint drive to the office today, he instead walked to bus stop boarded APSRTC bus and then reached the stop where he saw her standing with eyes set on infinity. They both waited for the company bus. He kept his emotions in control and spoke to her. She is beautiful he told himself. She is different from the girls he usually meets. They talked all the way. He decided to ask her out for a coffee today before lunch. He dint bother about the gossip mills in the office because all the mattered to him was the spark that she had.
On being invited for the introduction, she slowly moved towards the empodium she could feel nervousness in every inch of her body but she dint let her confident smile fade away. This is the day she waited for she told herself. She turned towards the crowd and scanned the room and the eyes looking at her and then she saw Ronit; he smiled at her and his eyes guided her to shoot her charm.
Hello everyone I’m Nina Kaur and I’m from Bangalore. Her confidence came back. With excellent communication skills and a pleasing smile she spoke her mind and everybody applauded. As she returned to her seat she could see admiration and envy reflecting in the eyes of the group members except Roshni , the girl from Mumbai. She complemented her for way she spoke. She saw ronit looking at her. Their eyes exchanged more conversations than their words have. Both of them knew they liked each other’s company. One by one everyone introduced themselves to others and the introduction was over.
 The new joiners were asked to visit the campus, roam around and see the campus after meeting Anita, the lady in maroon sari who will assign cubicles and stationery to the new joiners and later lunch by 1:00 pm. Nina and Roshni walked together to the main area. They reached the main area. They all got their mentor allocations and teams. When Nina was told about her mentor and her superior she could not believe the generosity of lady luck on her and she demanded roshni to pinch her to bring her back. Nina was overjoyed… Ronit will be her mentor and roshni and naina are in the same team with 4 other guys reporting to Ronit.
Roshni and Nina filled with happiness went for the campus tour. She saw Ronit coming from the other side.” So you guys are reporting to me.. Huh” Asked Ronit to the both of them. The reply was instantly a yes filled with excitement. He asked the girls and especially Nina if they would like to join him for the campus tour with 3 more people from the group of MBA graduates and as expected they joined him. As they went around seeing what happens in a company all the new joiners were happy to be a part of a fortune 500 company with a good package. Nina was happy for other reasons as well. She was happy to have roshni and ronit close by. The tour ended. It was time for lunch. Nina was not hungry so she was waiting in a corner trying to stay away from food and chatting with random people and forgetting the name the moment they say it. She felt a pat on her shoulders and there he was.
Would you like to have a cup of coffee with me…? I’m not hungry and I can see neither are you. Without waiting for an answer he led her to the coffee shop just outside their campus. They both smiled to themselves and walked together. Roshni saw them walking outside and she was happy to see nina happy. She already likes nina, having somebody like her to work with would be a great experience. With many smiling faces and a lot more simple to come the first day went by beautifully.

Friday, April 13, 2012

A story in everything

And I just found one for the day - 

When away from the home the one that gives immense happiness is the Home Like Food. Our cook for  change decided to give us some scope of happiness so i captured those beautiful objects of respect and love -

Properly cooked rice. Even though I hate rice  properly cooked rice is still a reason to smile especially when you  have been surviving on half boiled rice for over a month or so.

mango pickle :D


cauliflower..... my favourite


All the good food in nice plate is like a dream come true when your own home and your mother is miles & miles away.

P.S... there is nothing like the food cooked by mothers and the feeling of being home.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

The dream last night

Through the frozen ocean of hopes
I walk barefoot to lit my eyes
As I walk through the lonely path
I feel my heart fill with faith
The Silver Star is here somewhere
All I have to do is walk from here
I walk briskly
To hold it stiffly
I stretch my arm to hold it in my palm
From the star’s farm
I see a light in my palm
That looks like a diamond so calm
Through the frozen ocean of hopes
I walk back with a diamond in my eyes
With that diamond eyes
I walk through my dreams.

Monday, November 7, 2011

A Friend

It's been a long time since i wrote something on my blog and i feel extremely guilty for neglecting my blog especially when i read other's blogs ... I immediately log off then to compress my guilt but today is different .. on the second week of my second semester im bunking all the four classes so I thought I should do something productive rather than filling up my bed.

   My life has changed alot from the last blog I posted .. I saw lot many faces that taught me a lot .. sense and non-sense, however, the non-sense preeching was unavoidable and  I kinda enjoyed it .. sometimes trash is interesting.

   out of all the faces I met in this college there are only two faces that I love the most and one is this girl.. My Friend MADHAVI... sometime I feel we are soulmates inspite of all the differences

# both of us are lazy bums.
# both of us give stiff competition to each other when it comes to bunking classes.
#both of US are among the lowest scorers in the last class.
# both of us are regualr visitors to the hospital due to our almost non-existing immune system.
# both of us are extremely moody.
#both of us laugh at anyone and everyone for no reason.
and so on

There are differences in our thinking but we are sensible enough to accomadate those differences and move further... I LOVE HER.. not only because she bought lot of pastries and made into a cake and decorated with some wild and ugly looking flowers for my b'day only to bring me out of my  I - MISS - MY BOYFRIEND- PHASE. offcourse b'day cake is one of the reason i fell in love with her ( it was delicious may be coz it was made of love along with the other ingredients).. but the main reasonS I love her is the fact that she is no more in my class and it is now that I realize and miss the amazing bond between us ..

I miss the cross - talks we used to do when the whole class WAS jumping on their chairs desperate to give answers to the teachers.. I miss the long chit-chats we used to do about our faculty.. now that we are in differnet class I donT'e even know who is teaching her..

Finally I'm happy to find her .. this seperation is temporary atleast she is ON my floor so I can manage with that much .
Her presence means alot and I'm sure I will have her even at the end of two years when I will be happily bidding bye to this college.

P.S - we all have our friends and we know they mean to us but have we ever told them that.. ? not really .. I just told her ..
 cheers to those awesome friends we have in our life...without them life would be like a sugarless expresso and I hate expresso LET ALONE THE SUGARLESS EXPRESSO.

Monday, May 16, 2011

A Night Of Realization...


                    It was raining that night. She dint pay attention, she dint bother to get up from her bed to enjoy the rain. She hated that night, the night that made her to witness her shattering dreams even before they become a reality. She wept all night. Her tears refused to stop and she allowed them to follow freely. That was the night when her budding love came to an end but why? She dint know ; all she knew was that it is no more.

  It all started a month ago when she met this guy from Bangalore in a group chat. There was nothing appealing in his words yet she decided to send him a request for the sake of one single connection between them and that was the connection of their hometown.

   The friend request was accepted and they started chatting. She dint feel anything for him in the beginning neither did he but slowly she started enjoying chatting with them.Their chatting went straight for 4-5 hours every day and soon they found many more similar links between them. They exchanged phone numbers and then began a schedule of         CHAT – MESSAGE – CALL- MESSAGE – CHAT. 

  Her logical mind told her that she is losing her sanity for a someone she is yet to meet in person, she could realize that something is blooming but what could that be ? It can’t be love how can anyone fall in love with sum one you met online? That is stupid and she can’t be stupid. 

  Every time such questions poked her mind she had some or the other answers to convince her inner-self. This went on for days and days together she was happy. She dint know what to name that feeling but she was enjoying every moment of it, her friends called her stupid she dint care as far as she is happy she is doing the right thing. She waited for hours and hours for him and his messages .

   Nothing bothered her anymore ; her dad’s nagging s and mom’s complaints all felt like music to her ears because she had better things to think about. He helped her escape into a world far away from pinching realities of her boring life; she was always scared to step into that unreal world but she decided to take baby steps towards it she started dreaming more.The feeling of nervousness was turning into excitement as she would be meeting this guy in person in her new city.

   Amidst of all the excitement she knew that this would not work so well for her, she knew that they were extremes in all the sense especially in their physique; she was fat he was thin and there were many other strange elements in their budding relationship. 

    As the days of her departure came closer she become sad, her insecurities were getting stronger. She was scared to see the feeling of regret on his face when he sees her not that he wanted to be his girlfriend for one she wasn't even sure if t all he has any feelings for her. she was scared of rejections.. she is not beautiful she has always been an average girl and she lacked the confidence of being accepted anywhere and not just in relationships this was probably one of the reasons why she hated relationships and love so much and she never regrets about her this hatred.

  She was not even sure if this is love but then what could this be? Is it lust? But she never lusted for him or maybe she did; she did imagine kissing him in the rain she did imagine embracing him but how can kissing account into lusting? She was confused like never before. She spends her days battling with these insecurities and found no answer whatsoever. She decided to tell him all this and put an end to it all.

She wanted to sleep well, she dint want to hurt anyone. She was rude but not ruthless. She told him whatever was on her mind but only the filtered version, she never admitted to him that she wanted him to touch her, she never allowed anyone to do that. Maybe she won’t let him do that as well.She knew she could be a good friend for him, she wanted his presence. She dint want him to leave, she loved talking to him for hours, she loves to hear him laugh on the phone, and she quietly enjoyed it when they fight over silly things.

   She always maintained a non-nonsense attitude which was working well for her.  She hated stupid people and cheesy boys and she never have time for silly girls and their issues but this guy was different or at least she would like to believe so.

   Its true when you like someone you start accepting and liking everything about them and you start believing that the person is different but she had to put an end to this , this so called relationship or fling or whatever is talking her to a pool of messy emotions and she dint want all that. She hated commitment and he wanted a sure word from her she could not give and he could not take her confused stand any more.He decided to call it off and it happened much easily than she ever expected - her so called break-up even before she started on with a relationship.

  She was sure that no one will ever regret leaving her; it is always easy to dump people like her who want to love everyone and care for people but rejection after rejections from family members , freinds and people around  make them so broken that they forget compassion and empathy. 

  The memories she stored from the time they started chatting started replaying in front of her closed eyes... she could see it all hear it all each and every phoning conversation they had. Now that the end of her virtual reality has happened she started using her brain and she admitted to herself that she likes him but she can never be with him it is not infatuation but it is not that strong a feeling for now for which she will decided to give up her single status which she love the most.

   After endless flow of tears she decided to talk a look at her ever soothing element- RAIN. Briskly she got down from her bed and tip-toed to the balcony. It was raining. 

  The sound of rain drops soothed her ears. She collected the rain drops in her palm and splashed it on her face, she loved it … she moved further to  get drenched in the rain.

   The tiny rain drops washed her off her fears and worries, she was gaining her sanity back, and her mind started working. She sat down. Her wet clothes were clinging on to her body. Rain droplets were dripping from her long hair all of sudden she felt beautiful and wanted.she could feel the confidence within her , a confidence that helped her to brave all odds till date is back.  “This can’t be love” she told to herself; love can’t be this difficult. She is strong enough to support herself mentally and emotionally. She needs no support from anyone.

She got up walked back to her favorite corner in her balcony. She always found solace and peace in rain and loneliness. She checked her mobile… no messages no missed calls… she was sure he would never call her back but she was no more bothered. She was happy for reasons unknown. She was sure of one thing by this time – she likes him she might be stupid or crazy but she sure likes him… she knows she will never commit to him but the feeling of loving someone itself is enough for her to be happy .

   Not every relation comes with names and tags you just need to go with the flow and enjoy it and that’s what she decided to do.. She got up went back to her bed and slept peacefully.

  It was indeed a night of realization for her. She realized that she can never be with this guy but he means something to her… something that she cannot express in words but she can feel it.

  She smiled to herself. She checked the clock it was a 3 in the morning she decided to sleep thinking of him. He is different and He is someone she can fall back on when she trips emotionally she reassured herself.      

Thursday, April 7, 2011

I 'am ME

I cry yet I care
I sulk yet I smile

I love like there is no tomorrow
I hate like each day is a sorrow

I loathe I lust
I live to trust

I laugh to hear my echo
I scream like a psycho

My heart lets me love you
My soul lets you touch me

I love you because I want to do so
I hate you because you make me do so

            With the bag full of pride and tissues of love on my shoulders
            I walk into infinity
            To make my destiny

I ‘am a WOMEN, you hear me tear away your inhibitions about me
Because I ‘am born to DIFFER